By Holly Hughes
WeNews guest author
Sunday, April 8, 2012
In the anthology, "Here Come the Brides! Reflections on Lesbian Love And Marriage," co-editors Audrey Bilger and Michele Kort offer an array of intimate insights. In this excerpt, performer Holly Hughes finds it's easier to get married on Facebook.
People notice. My Facebook friends chime in with "When did you get married?" With jokes edged with a bitter shine: You can't get married. But it's a public space, Facebook; we have had a public ceremony of sorts. In other places and times that was enough. You didn't need to have more of a ceremony; all that was required was that some man said: "I'm married." I'm that man.
I don't tell her. She finds out later. Shouldn't we have talked about this? I used her name. I'm Borat, tossing a bag over Pamela Anderson with a muttered "Consent not necessary."
But I say we have talked about it; we agreed. We just haven't done anything about it. I didn't feel like I was making a claim, I was stating a fact. Married happened to us, like the rain, overnight; we woke up and there were puddles everywhere. I'm just reporting on what happened. But I don't look at her when I say this. Marrying someone when they are not looking is not the same as deciding to take the garbage out even though it's her turn.
I do not say, "I'm married to you whether you know it or not." But I do say, "You can decide what you want to say on Facebook. You don't have to say you're married. It's complicated."
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Holly Hughes is a writer and performer. Her books include "Clit Notes," "O Solo Homo: The New Queer Performance" (co-edited with David Roman), and the forthcoming "Memories of the Revolution" (co-edited with Carmelita Tropicana). A 2010–2011 Guggenheim Fellow, Hughes is a professor at the University of Michigan.
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